A House Tour of the Infamous Porter Family Mansion with Tour Guide Weston Ludlow Londonderry

Available in Library

Deeply probe the most private rooms of legendary eccentric couple Hubert and Clarissa Porter. Come face to face with "The Stick of Butter That Changed Everything." Touch furniture. Stroke walls. Unlock secrets? Savor intimate, penetrating anecdotes and parables exuded by the worldly, singular and particular, Weston Ludlow Londonderry.

A House Tour of the Infamous Porter Family Mansion with Tour Guide Weston Ludlow Londonderry is a one man play in the form of a surreal and occasionally unreal journey through the former home of a tremendously wealthy and eccentric couple, Hubert and Clarissa Porter. Audiences will be guided through an expansive mansion/compound (imagined in a theatre space), a structure that physically tells the story of the absurdly wealthy couple's journey towards eccentricity, insanity, and sudden mysterious isolation from the outer world.

Read Sample

A waltz…

Two bodies, moving, spinning, propelled by an elegant thrust.

Eyes: Locked. Searching.
Hands: Enclenched. Communicating. Whet.
Breath: Heaving. Cavities and orifices flaring and ruffling with every single “Oom-pah-pah Oom-pah-pah In-two-three, out-two-three.”

A waltz is more than a dance.

It is an encounter. A private, intimate, intercourse between two souls that no-one can upon spy. The consequences of this fleeting union can be enormous. A waltz has potential to change lives, even the course of the world.

Hyperbole? Ha. No such thing. Not here.

For Hubert and Clarissa, Hubert and Clarissa Porter, first met during a waltz. They fell in love during a waltz. Their fates were sealed the moment they began to intertwirl to the very waltz you listen upon today.

(A Shift in rhythm.

Weston moves quickly through the crowd?)

Imagine it is a hundred and fifty five years ago. And we are all members of “society.” And here we are at the annual Vice Governors Ball, one of the final events of a particularly humid social season.

“Oh hello. Hello. Hello there, you, hubbub hubbub hubbub” we mutter half heartedly to the lackluster hodge podge of well heeled, self absorbed corpses we have grown so tired of seeing party after party.
(Aside to a party guest, personal)
At least the punch is strong enough to help tolerate this soul-murdering ritual…Right? Am I Right?

Desperation fogs the air. Always has at the Vice Governor’s Ball, one of the last chances to secure a breeding partner before the leaves turn. The prissy little shits who’ve found mates earlier in the season flaunt their so-called “love” mercilessly on the dance floor, leaving those untethered souls desperate for any form of companionship moping about the perimeter.
The best things always seem to happen to the least deserving. How sad we are. How sad to be alone, no one to waltz with, for yet another winter…

Cast Requirements



"HIGHEST RATING. A raw and polished gem. Claudia Bauer, SF Chronicle

"There are tours and then there are tours de force. A House Tour is the latter, a triumph for playwright and star, and a theatrical experience to remember." - Chad Jones, Theaterdogs

"An alternatively gut-bustingly hilarious and intensely poignant dive into what it means to not quite fit in. Go see this extraordinarily bizarre, lewd, and endearing piece of theater." Jack Morse, SFist

"Because Scheie is so electric and Nachtrieb's writing so alert and ornate, the situation of the tour gathers a tension and depth that you never would have imagined." John Wilkins, KQED

"This combination of playwright and actor is a heady one, joining the efforts of one of the Bay Area's brightest playwriting talents with those of the region's arguably best character actor. They play to and off each other's talents, offering something akin to a wild abandon that's been finely tuned for an immersive experience." Richard Dodds, Bay Area Reporter

"Playwright Peter Sinn Nachtrieb has hilariously fulfilled his promise to use every double entendre he could come up with in his world premiere at Z Space." - Leslie Katz, SF Examiner

"A singular 90-minute monologue that delivers an astounding amount and variety of sexual innuendo and euphemism." Jeffrey Edalatpour, SF Weekly

"One of the most innovative plays of the new season and sure-fire hit. Nachtrieb's script and double narrative are wonderfully played out, turning a bland tour with huge logistical challenges, into a creative triumph." Steve Murray, For All Events

"A tour de force of wonderful acting. Director Jason Eagan has choreographed the performance flawlessly as our tour guide goes through adjustments of his personality. Bravo to Peter Sinn Nachtrieb for writing such an interesting piece." -Richard Connema, Talkin Broadway