That Pretty Pretty; Or, The Rape Play

Guns, gals, jello wrestling, war, and lots and lots of profanity. A fragmented exploration of the things we find really fucking hot. Special appearance by Jane Fonda.

Read Sample

A stroke (/) marks the point of interruption in overlapping dialogue. When the stroke is not immediately followed by text, the next line should occur on the last syllable of the word before the slash— not an overlap but a concise interruption

PROLOGUE
VALERIE and AGNES appear in the darkness, face-forward, in single lights. Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" is playing faintly in the background. A fellow croons along dismally and drunkenly with the song.

AGNES
Val?

VALERIE
Yeah?

AGNES
I'm a little drunk.

VALERIE
You drink too much.

AGNES
What state are we in?

VALERIE
You're a dumbass.

AGNES
We've done this a lot.

VALERIE
I know.

AGNES
We're gonna run out of states.

VALERIE
Dumbass SUPREME. We still have Colorado, Delaware, Michigan, Louisiana, Alabama, Arkansas, / Ohio, Missouri, Nebraska, North Carolina

AGNES
Then we'll get caught. Or something. I don't want... um…

VALERIE
I thought we didn't care if we got caught.

AGNES
We just… wanna keep going for as long as we can. Because we fucking HATE THEM ALL. Okay. Not just the ones with bombs in their trunks.

VALERIE
That's right.

AGNES
And we hate fucking people telling us how to act.

VALERIE
Right.

AGNES
About our bodies.

VALERIE
Right.

AGNES
And the internet.

VALERIE
Sure.

AGNES
And the radio. I'm hungry.

VALERIE
You're always hungry.

AGNES
The food sucks here. And there's none left.

VALERIE
You have a problem.

AGNES
If there was more food I wouldn't be drunk because I would of eaten enough and the food would be absorbing the vodka. When you wanna go over?

VALERIE
When he finishes his karaoke song.

AGNES

Right on.
(beat, tone change)
Sometimes I think you love me too much.

A long beat.

VALERIE
Delete delete delete delete delete delete delete.

End of Prologue.

Lights up.

VALERIE and AGNES stumble into a posh hotel room in fur coats. AGNES is wearing a bonnet and VALERIE a straw hat. Beneath their coats their outfits are outrageously skimpy. Something feels very fake about the whole set-up… perhaps the set is too vivid, perhaps everyone is a little too enthusiastic. The acting in the following seen should be completely and artificially over-the-top intense. Lots of volume.

AGNES
Where is he you fucking lost him / already

VALERIE
He was right behind you don't freak on me

AGNES
He's mine Val

VALERIE
Where's the minibar… ROCK!

VALERIE goes to the mini fridge.

AGNES
HE'S MINE / VALERIE

VALERIE
Shhhh.

AGNES tosses herself on the bed and begins bouncing. VALERIE cannot open the mini fridge.

AGNES
I’m the ‘ho here. Just remember that. This bed smells like starch and marinated ass… I like hotels I like hotels I like hotels

VALERIE
Locked? Fuck…

RODNEY stumbles in behind them. He is red-faced and wears a tie and a sombrero.

RODNEY
Wasted!

AGNES
Wasted!

RODNEY falls on the bed on top of AGNES.

RODNEY
This place is decent…

AGNES
My uncle works for the chain.

They begin to kiss.

VALERIE
Hey. HEY. Hey Agnes. Show him your new dance, you slutty whore.

AGNES
I made up a dance.

RODNEY
Go on.

VALERIE
Slutty little whore.

AGNES
I don't have a name yet for it.

RODNEY
Do they have whiskey?

VALERIE
I can't get the fucker open…

VALERIE kicks at the mini-bar furiously. It swings open. She begins rooting inside.

AGNES
You aren't watching…

VALERIE
Go.

AGNES does a complicated hip-hop move. RODNEY applauds.

VALERIE (cont.)
She made it for Howard Stern.

AGNES
Shut UP.

VALERIE
She thinks if she can get on the air, he'll ask her to dance.

AGNES
Most people think he's gross but he's got these ice blue eyes, that's why he wears sunglasses all the time.

VALERIE pulls out a digital camera and begins shooting pictures of the room.

AGNES (cont.)
You're like psycho with that shit.

VALERIE
…. for the blog…

VALERIE aims the camera at AGNES. AGNES giggles and begins to strip.

RODNEY
You girls aren't really sisters, are you…

AGNES
We came out of the same womb…

RODNEY
You're wild. You are wild.

Cast Requirements

2 men
3 women

Press

“Raunchy, savvy... the twisted, caffeinated world of the show imagines the collective unconscious of a culture where girls never stop going wild... [Callaghan] push(es) her audience’s buttons with an aggressive treatment of some of the darker corners of the human psyche.”
-The New York Times

See More

Press

“Funny, scary, messy, and forthrightly feminist.”
-Village Voice

“A submersion in the anarchy of ambivalence: variously a rant, a riff, a rumble-about our notions of naturalism, objectification, perversity, and beauty... There’s sass and sarcasm in Callaghan’s high-energy punk writing.”
-John Lahr, The New Yorker

“Mind-blowing images and soul-crushing language flowing wildly.”
–Backstage

Production and Development History

Production: Rattlestick Playwrights Theater.